Who needs Starbucks?

Okay, I do. BUT I live in such a small town that there is no Starbucks here. I know. Weird. But such places do exist. People also wear cut off Carhartts here, so there’s that.

This past weekend I went to the big city and swung by Starbucks. Since I had already had three liters of caffeine intravenously I decided to be health conscious and skip having more espresso. So naturally I opted for something made of straight sugar instead, Starbucks caramel apple spiced cider. That stuff is like an angels breast milk. I literally just wanted to submerge my face in it.

So fun weekend in the big city is over and I’m back in the boonies. There’s only one little coffee stand in my town and while they don’t make bad coffee, they don’t make the apple cider I was having withdrawals from. I’ve tried to replicate it in the past with recipes I’ve found online but none tasted close enough to the same. So per usual, I just started throwing shit together and cussing up a storm any time it wasn’t perfect. But finally, a few f-bombs later, heavens gates opened and bam! Nailed it. So then I had to clean my entire kitchen and start again so I could take pretty pictures for y’all to make it look like I have a flippin clue as to what I’m doing. No joke though guys, if you put this in a little red holiday Starbucks cup I would 100% believe it was made by the gods in the little green aprons.

Here y’all go!


Notice what a contradiction I am. Organic sugars and cinnamon next to a can of Reddi Whip.


Apple Juice or Cider (I just grab whatever is on sale)
Caramel Sauce
Cinnamon Simple Syrup (AKA Starbucks Cinnamon Dolce Syrup)
Whip Cream… this isn’t optional despite what you believe.


Remember.. I suck at measuring…Pour around half a bottle of cider or juice in pot over medium heat. Add around half a cup of cinnamon simple syrup. Then add roughly (ha) three or four squeezes caramel sauce. Whip it good. Whip it real good. Now try not to sing Whip It by Devo. Heat until steaming.

Pour in your desired cup and top with whip cream and drizzle with caramel sauce.

You could easily turn this into a crock pot recipe. Doubling the recipe and setting on low until desired temp. I would add a couple cinnamon sticks to enhance the flavor and stir occasionally. This would be PERFECT for Thanksgiving or Christmas morning!

Try not to submerge your face and enjoy!

This makes around 4 regular sized coffee cups.. again… I’ll try to start measuring. Try.


Simple Syrup Recipe

Half cup white sugar
Half cup brown sugar
Three to four teaspoons cinnamon
One cup water

Mix all in a sauce pan, the cinnamon will float on top for awhile but by the time it’s done it should pretty much dissolve. Bring to a boil. Let simmer for 5 minutes. Let cool and store in air tight container. It should be good for at least a few weeks. Bonus is your kitchen will smell amazing!


And if you’re like me and always want to have an adult version on hand… you know… just in case your toddler dropped an entire roll of toilet paper in the toilet and then proceeded to take it out, leaving a trail all the way to the bathroom counter…. you know.. to “help momma clllllean it”. It doesn’t hurt to have this to add as a backup…


Enjoy Loves! XOXO

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Heaven and Ice

Just look at it…LOOK. AT. IT.



Put it in and around my mouth.

It’s summer in a glass, on this cold Fall day. I’m already in denial.

It started innocently enough. I just felt like some iced tea. Then I had some peach mixer and obviously peach ice tea sounded way better than regular ice tea. Then I had some Honey Jack too.. and well, alcohol always sounds better than non-alcoholic. So I decided we needed to have a little orgy of delight right here in this little glass.

This is what you need…


Look I even made it pretty for you guys. Believe me, ANY time I’m in the kitchen it’s a drunken fucking tornado. So don’t take this effort lightely.

Recipe below!


Peach Mixer (or any flavor if you want to switch it up)
Home Brewed Sweet Tea- If you don’t have a recipe, just ask.
Fresh Lemon
Honey Jack


FIll glass 3/4 way full with icel
Do two-three good globs of Peach Mixer depending on your taste
Squeeze of fresh lemon wedge
2-3 ounces of Honey jack (or 4-5 in my case)
FIll the rest with sweet tea.
Give a good stir and try not to stroke out from the goodness.

Quick, light, and refreshing! That’s what she said… never.

Enjoy kids!


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I gave up coffee.


That stuff was the sweet nectar of my life. From the moment I woke up when my love brought me my first cup of the day as a barter to get my ass out of bed, which at 5 AM is a lot like a scene from The Exorcist, until the moment I would wind down at the end of the night with a cup on my night stand. Coffee and oxygen were one in the same. Hot, Iced, intravenously, weak, strong, black, creamy, crappy, decent, I didn’t discriminate. Just give me the damn juice.

But, in all my years of drinking coffee, it never really did anything for me. There was no sudden, or gradual even, burst of energy. It didn’t get me through an afternoon slump or make a Monday any less of a Monday. To put it simply, I just liked the taste. Kind of like bacon. Doesn’t do a damn thing for you, but I’d sure as shit punch a kitten for some.

SO… when I jumped head first into the Advocare world, I about stroked out when I realized they don’t advise drinking coffee on the challenge. It was like I was reading a foreign language. No coffee? I don’t understand. What does that mean? Nooooo, coffffeeeeeee? Even sounding it out didn’t help.

But whatever.. I paid for the shit so you better believe I’m gonna do what it says.. or at least try it. I’ve heard about this Spark drink they all hoot and holler about but believe me there is no replacement for the lifelong friendship I’ve had with espresso. None. It’s the bloods and the crips as far as I’m concerned.

Then I tried it.

I’ll be a son of a bitch.

It’s amazing.. of course… because anything I throw a fit about is almost always sure to turn around and make me look like an idiot.

It’s kind of like when you go to take a picture of something with your phone and it’s out of focus. You touch the object you’re trying to snap a photo of and it focuses in and is crystal clear. That’s Spark.

What’s better than Spark mixed with water per the instructions?

THIS. IMG_1691

Heaven help me.

Directions (super complicated here folks):

  • Mix one scoop spark with 4 oz water in protein shaker.
  • Pour 4 oz over ice in large glass as shown above
  • Then pour in any flavor La Croix sparkling water.
  • Squeeze around a quarter of a lime
  • Give a good stir
  • Die happy.

The end.



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